and then there was that time i had huge dreams

Illusions of grandeur. Spiritual arrogance. Self-sabotaging by setting unrealistic goals. ^^^ These are all things I’ve heard… From others… From books… From myself. And I’ve taken each into consideration. Because that’s the type of person I am. If someone says something to me and it stings… I think, “Hm. Maybe there’s some truth in there. Let’s unpack […]

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Day 249 of 365: cutting ties, and holding on for dear life

I hate that I struggle with suicidal shit sometimes. I really, really do. For a long time I didn’t. It was like an old friend to me. Now it’s more like a black hole… Or a magnet that attracts all my joy and flushes it. I haven’t wanted to write about it because I’m too […]

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Day 115 of 365: I write because…

I don’t write because I want to; I write because I have to. I share my words and thoughts and feelings in as transparent of a way as possible on any given day because, if I don’t, I can feel the words dancing under my skin… Painting graffiti inside my veins… Sketching doodles inside the […]

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Day 114 of 365: practice what I preach

It’s funny; I was practicing a rap/rhyme I recently finished writing and suddenly had this moment of heightened awareness where I really paid attention to the words I said… And the true meaning behind them. And I realized… Fuck. I’m not living up to the standards I’ve set. Specifically: If we pretend we’re who we’re not Lack […]

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Day 105 of 365: hindsight and humility and ouchy realizations

There was always a certain kind of person I despised. I considered them “bad” people, heartless people, selfish people, and so on. These were the folks who would take advantage of kind, giving humans; the folks who broke hearts without warning or explanation; those who made everything about them and flew the victim flag way up […]

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Day 98 of 365: “be weak”

“When did this happen?” the EA (Emotions Anonymous) member asked me. “Last night,” I said. She was visibly shocked. “Wow! You’re doing way better than I was in that situation. I was a mess. You’re really holding it together!” She said this like it was a good thing. “My issue isn’t with being able to […]

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