Stop driving yourself crazy trying to do the “right” things

There’s no way to know what to do. Where to go. What to say, to whom. There’s no way to really know what’s “right”. Sure; there’s the moment-to-moment gut instincts. But even those aren’t always reliable… Since fear can oftentimes mask itself as intuitive guidance. I often feel like we are our own labyrinths to […]

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Day 86 of 365: I’m a sprinter.

There are all these sayings about life being a marathon, not a sprint. And for years, I tried to retrain myself into a marathon-mentality. And I hated it. It bored me. It’s like when I tried cross country running in high school. The first day of practice, I took off sprinting as hard and as […]

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Day 72 of 365: wait. I can be pissed off AND still be spiritual?

Through 12-step programs and codependency work and Buddhist meditation retreats and reading lots and lots of spiritual texts, my interpretation of “being spiritual” and “being aware” was… Essentially… NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU, FORGIVE IT. LET IT GO. CHOOSE TO BE UNAFFECTED BY EVERYTHING. Recognize that not everyone is operating from your level of […]

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Day 68 of 365: I am angry because…

Aaannndd the darkness continues. Which is fine. I decided to give myself the opportunity to release some of the anger I had maybe been carrying around with me. I opened a word document and wrote about 5,000 words nonstop. I didn’t know I had that much anger in me. I feel like I could write […]

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Day 57 of 365: channeling my inner forrest gump

Okay. Two things. (Is it ever really two things, Jen?) No. But. It’s a diving off point, Parentheses. Give me a break. 1.) These last four days have been a shit-show of anger and meltdown and trigger-happy freak-outs and depression and the, like, third time I’ve cried in therapy. And stress-eating, which used to be […]

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Day 56 of 365: why I’m grateful for depression – a video

This is the second time I’ve written today’s blog entry. The first one put Frodo’s invisibility cloak on and is unable to be seen. That’s coo. I can redo it. I have officially survived this last depressive episode, which seemingly came out of nowhere. While in the stickiness of depression, it’s hard to know up […]

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Day 54 of 365: Emotionally bare

I’ve tended to seek comfort being alone. When sad or vulnerable or hurting or scared, I’d find solace in my introvert time. I’d unplug for a few days, turn off all electronics, sit in the messiness, work through shit, come to realizations, and then take a shower, shave, do my hair, and turn my phone […]

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Day 53 of 365: I’m only human, after all.

I’ve been listening to a few specific songs by Rag’n’Bone Man lately. This is him: And he sings with his fucking soul. Songs that I can feel in my bones: Human, Grace, Skin, and As You Are. There are these few lines in “Human” that I find myself repeating throughout the day: I’m only human, after […]

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Day 43 of 365: the challenge of feel-good emotions

  My doodle pen+pad just stopped working, so now we’re on to the written word portion. I’m learning that I had never really allowed myself to fully feel into these states of being. I’d experience them in short spurts, and would quickly close my heart off to them… (Because if I don’t feel good, then […]

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