Day 69 (teehee) of 365: throwing out the eraser

“I’m totally closed off to you right now,” I said to my therapist. “Okay,” she said, in her normal, allowing tone. She lightly smiled in the way that she does when she’s excited that I’m expressing distaste (because that’s a challenge for me–to tell someone they’ve pissed me off). “Last week, I was in here… […]

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Day 54 of 365: Emotionally bare

I’ve tended to seek comfort being alone. When sad or vulnerable or hurting or scared, I’d find solace in my introvert time. I’d unplug for a few days, turn off all electronics, sit in the messiness, work through shit, come to realizations, and then take a shower, shave, do my hair, and turn my phone […]

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Day 48 of 365: brevity (a post in less than 50 words)

“Write anything. Then narrow it down.” I now hush rules and begin. Work out kinks later. I’ve been experiencing present-moment enjoyment lately. Anxiety says, “Struggling = working hard; enjoyment = laziness.” Peace chimes in, “You’re right where you need to be: in the unknown. Relax and enjoy.” And so it is.

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Day 39 of 365: Releasing the victimhood of “can’t”

Writer’s block or any type of creative or emotional block is an illusion. It’s easier for us to blame our stagnancy on some… thing. Some force, whether outside or inside of us. Blaming someone or something else, whether it’s a needy partner or a busy schedule or a creative well run dry, is merely a form of […]

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Day 31 of 365: Why I refuse to take a $100,000/year corporate job.

I just watched The Big Sick, a movie based on a true story. It’s a romantic comedy, and it’s enjoyable, and my eyeballs did this thing where they started sweating (but, due to my odd inability to cry in public, my body absorbed the eye water), and after I left I felt content and inspired […]

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Day 27 of 365: avoidance, synthesis, and diving in

A professor came to me in a dream last night. I’d never met him before, and yet he felt familiar. He returned a book of my poetry to me. I expected an A. Instead, he told me to redo it. He said he could tell it was rushed, and that it needed more color. There […]

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Day 26 of 365: life is starting to feel like a field trip.

I mean sure, it’s short. It’s 22 pages and when it’s done it’ll be 10-15 pages. It’s for a short movie, which I feel is a good starting place. The full length screenplay (WHICH I WILL HAVE DONE BY OCTOBER 1ST THANKYAVERYMUCH) is being chipped away at each day. I spent something like 10 hours […]

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Day 25 of 365: fantasies and realities

I’ve been on a journey of self-allowance for quite some time now, and each day brings new surprises. What I mean by “self-allowance” is that I’m learning to accept myself, in all my glory. And, since I kept feelings/desires/fantasies hidden for so many years, I must first focus on allowance. Allowing those aspects of myself to […]

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Day 23 of 365: Not a damn clue.

I don’t know what to write about. Not that it makes any difference, because even when I go into an entry “knowing” what I’m going to write, I end up talking about something totally different. So the initial sense of knowingness is just a doorway, I suppose. And tonight, my doorway is “I don’t know.” […]

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Day 22 of 365: life is one big road-trip

I’ve been in a cranky mood today. Rather than fight it or ignore it or do positive affirmations until it got scared and left, I’ve been feeling it. (Thankfully, I’ve gotten closer to the balance between the extremes of repression and dwelling.) So… I feel stuff fully and, just as it comes, the feeling goes. […]

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