Day 287 of 365: just do the damn thing.

I know I’m here to speak. You could ask 15 year old Jen, 25 year old Jen, or yesterday Jen what she’s here to do, and the answer would be something along the lines of: “write, speak, and teach.” Except there’d be progressively less passive aggressive attitude as the age of each Jen increased. I […]

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Day 251 of 365: to feel different, I have to *be* different

Oh dear lord, the shit show I got myself into over the last week. So I was in Sedona, having an amazing vacation with my amazing cousin, and then I got triggered. Some ass hat tour guide was showing us vortexes and she thought she could hold space for emotional healing and: A. At no […]

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Day 249 of 365: cutting ties, and holding on for dear life

I hate that I struggle with suicidal shit sometimes. I really, really do. For a long time I didn’t. It was like an old friend to me. Now it’s more like a black hole… Or a magnet that attracts all my joy and flushes it. I haven’t wanted to write about it because I’m too […]

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Day 106 of 365: I’m so fucking sick of writing.

*trigger warning for those struggling with depression/suicidality* If I have to hear myself talk about addiction or sobriety or healing or authenticity one more fucking time, I will scream. And hide in the mountains somewhere. I am so bored by myself, and by what I write. As if I’m some pro on emotions and self-healing. […]

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Day 94 of 365: “i’m fine, thanks” and other lies.

I tend to put too much pressure on myself. As if this one post or this one speech or this one BJ or this one dinner is going to be the be-all-end-all for a person or, or life-changing for a group of people. I constantly pressure myself to perform. A lot of times, I hesitate […]

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Day 65 of 365: off with her head!

I  woke up this morning after about 3 hours of sleep feeling a fire within me. It’s a fire I haven’t felt in a few weeks. (It’s a little spark more than a fire. I don’t want to breathe too hard and blow it out.) In the past, I’d say, “THE DEPRESSIVE EPISODE IS LEAVING! […]

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Day 59 of 365: this human experience is…

I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I experience life much differently than most. I’ve always felt everything deeply (with the exception of my years of numbing via alcohol and drugs), and I’ve always dealt with random mini-films in my head of fucked up images. I see faces everywhere. In trees. In the […]

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