Sometimes I take things too literally. I’ll hear a statement like “your thoughts and words become your reality” and take it so seriously that I’ll become a hyper-vigilant micro-manager of my thoughts and words and actions. I’ll run everything through a filter. I’ll always be “on.” To an extent, this awareness can be helpful in […]
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April 5, 2014 was my last drink. It was a swig of Grey Goose right out of the bottle, at around 9AM. Since then, some of the most amazing and magical blessings have come into my life. I mean, it took a shit pile of work to take an honest look at myself, clear out […]
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I adore getting triggered. Here’s what I mean about “getting triggered”: It’s when whatever is happening in the present moment somehow (in even the tiniest way) resembles a past pain or trauma, and my brain recognizes this and sounds the alarm system in a desperate attempt to protect me. Fight or flight or freeze activates, […]
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I can often paralyze myself with hyper-analysis around the right or wrong thing to do in any given situation. It’s draining and exhausting and annoying. My boyfriend made me this awesome cross stitch of Bob Ross. It sits on my altar space[1] next to a chipped mini statue of Buddha’s head and some stones and […]
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Earlier today, I was caught in a trance. Self-doubt, insecurity, fear, and an overall downward and inward spiral. I felt sad about my living situation, my job, the fact that the residual stuff from Breast Implant Illness impacts my mental clarity. I felt down about my overall life. I felt like a failure. Like a […]
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My hours got cut at work. And I am amped. I’ve bounced back and forth between I CLEARLY MUST HAVE A SUCCESSFUL FREELANCE CAREER DOING WHAT I LOVE. and Realistically, having the structure of a normal desk job is good for me. Maybe I should commit myself to a full-time schedule? Is that the responsible […]
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Sometimes I burn out. I’ll feel excited, find a strand of inspiration, and then hold on tight for dear life while getting flailed around in the wind. Like a kite. Or like a surfer on a wave. I’ll ride it until I crash. And then keep holding on. I’ve become aware of this tendency. I’ve […]
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I think most people can relate to feeling nervous or embarrassed [or terrified] about putting on a swimsuit and revealing our flesh suit to the world. And, contrary to popular belief, this issue plagues all genders. It’s not picky. As if somehow everyone has x-ray telepathy and knows the one or three areas we are […]
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She had always wanted more. More than she had. More than she thought possible. More than she thought she deserved. More than others said feasible. She wanted more. She spent each minute planning, analyzing, digging, and hoping to find what she was looking for. She was deeply dedicated and hardworking. She assumed this made her […]
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I am learning that Clarity comes without trying. When not forced. It’s a lot like bubbles. If I chase the bubbles and grasp at them, they’ll pop and float away. This knowledge doesn’t stop the old pattern of me trying to figure everything out, to force Clarity. When I get foggy about something or there’s […]
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