What I’m afraid to say is…

Sometimes I take things too literally. I’ll hear a statement like “your thoughts and words become your reality” and take it so seriously that I’ll become a hyper-vigilant micro-manager of my thoughts and words and actions. I’ll run everything through a filter. I’ll always be “on.” To an extent, this awareness can be helpful in […]

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Day 115 of 365: I write because…

I don’t write because I want to; I write because I have to. I share my words and thoughts and feelings in as transparent of a way as possible on any given day because, if I don’t, I can feel the words dancing under my skin… Painting graffiti inside my veins… Sketching doodles inside the […]

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Day 114 of 365: practice what I preach

It’s funny; I was practicing a rap/rhyme I recently finished writing and suddenly had this moment of heightened awareness where I really paid attention to the words I said… And the true meaning behind them. And I realized… Fuck. I’m not living up to the standards I’ve set. Specifically: If we pretend we’re who we’re not Lack […]

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Day 113 of 365: demanding a miracle.

Yesterday, my months of somber sadness and what I’d deemed depression transformed into deep, fiery anger. I came to a realization that nearly every prayer I’ve ever spoken has been with one of two tones: Gratitude, thanking the Universe/God for every tiny thing (even if/when I felt like a bag of asses). Desperate pleading, begging […]

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Day 102 of 365: turns out I’m an outspoken person.

It turns out that I’m an outspoken person. This surprises me. I always thought outspoken things. I’d stand up to or disagree with or challenge people in my mind, but raaarrely aloud. I think that’s one of my favorite things about sobriety and about my journey of self-actualization; as I move forward and remain present, it’s […]

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Day 94 of 365: “i’m fine, thanks” and other lies.

I tend to put too much pressure on myself. As if this one post or this one speech or this one BJ or this one dinner is going to be the be-all-end-all for a person or, or life-changing for a group of people. I constantly pressure myself to perform. A lot of times, I hesitate […]

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Day 87 of 365: scared & brave

There is a time and place for positive affirmations. Pep talks are great to have from others and especially from ourselves, especially when from an authentic place. But a trap I have been caught in (and I think a lot of other people get here, too) went a little like this: -Jen feels terrified. -Jen […]

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Day 85 of 365: big boobs + thigh gap ~ book excerpt #2

Hi. The first two pages of the rough draft of my second book, “Big Boobs + Thigh Gap: a journey beyond body obsession” were shared in Day 79’s post, here. The book is evolving as I write it, as all creative projects tend to do. (It’s like the original idea is the doorway to the […]

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Day 83 of 365: 2017 is my year of clarity, and has taught me…

Every year, I pick one or two words has the THEME for that year. My focus. 2017 is the year of Clarity. Mostly I picked Clarity because I wanted clarity on how to make a shit pile of money doing what I love. Y’know, because that’s an easy answer. UNIVERSE, MAKE IT CLEAR HOW I CAN […]

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Day 79 of 365: my boobs inspired me to write a book.

I had my breast implants removed a little over three months ago, and my life has freakin’ transformed. Prior to surgery, I was in constant pain, had the energy of a sloth, and dealt with a slew of other ailments. The implants had caused an autoimmune disorder (“Breast Implant Illness” or BII), and my health deteriorated […]

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