I can hear the birds again. (A description of journeying through depression.)

I can hear birds again. Outside, they’re chirping. It’s subtle and crisp and beautiful. I can hear the breeze and feel it on my skin. It rustles the changing leaves and whisks a few of them onto a windy ride to the earth’s floor. I can see the sky. I’ve viewed it previously, but today […]

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“But does it really matter?” — a question / answer attitude adjustment

Over the last five and a half years, I’ve worked to remove distractions / baggage / stagnant energy / old beliefs and focused on learning to use my intuition. That tiny, raspy whisper has become louder and easier to decipher. Rather than occasionally hearing it, I have more of an ongoing conversation with this sense […]

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5 years of sobriety & 5 miracles

April 5, 2014 was my last drink. It was a swig of Grey Goose right out of the bottle, at around 9AM. Since then, some of the most amazing and magical blessings have come into my life. I mean, it took a shit pile of work to take an honest look at myself, clear out […]

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Day 21 of 30: Fun is where the freedom is + the power of rejection

External validation has been a big drug for me. The responses of others could lift me up or crush me in an instant. What’s funny is that these comments from people are just in passing. It’s not important or life-changing for them. They probably never think about it again. Meanwhile, I’ve deleted social media before […]

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Day 20 of 30: Wherever you go, there you are.

I remember the ride back from the airport. My parents picked me up after a three week trip to England. They funded the flight for me and hoped I’d find some relief there. I did, but not in the way they’d hoped. “I discovered something amazing,” I told them. “What’s that?” “I was still depressed […]

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Day 273 of 365: Who you are without an audience?

I didn’t pray a lot as a child, but I do remember one prayer I repeated often and desperately: “DEAR GOD, PLEASE MAKE ME POPULAR.” That was my focus. I was so desperate for people to like me. And not just a few people. A LOT of people. ALL of the people. All of my […]

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Day 264 of 365: life is a carousel

Life is a carousel. With limited options of animals to ride. In time, all the creatures look the same. Eyes, mouths, legs, tails, up and down in predisposed rhythmic motions. Animal instincts ripped away, obsolete. I take a defibrillator to my perspective to jumpstart gratitude. Focus on details. Appreciate minutia. Spots. Stripes. Hues of fur. […]

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Day 95 of 365: “do nothing” — advice from 90-year-old me.

I walked into the room, though the silence of my footsteps made it seem I was floating. I remember it was breezy, surprisingly breezy. The air was fresh and circulating in a gentle yet convincing whirlwind between the two open windows on either side of the bed. There were thin curtains caressing each window, white […]

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Day 81 of 365: Nike that shit.

This is a beginning draft by the famous artist, Pablo Picasso. It’s an excellent example of free-flowing line art, and I find it to be profound and mysterious. Although then again, I’m partial. Because Picasso didn’t do it; my brother did. In like 20 seconds. When making an adjustment to my doodle pad/monitor. He was […]

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Day 80 of 365: start before you’re ready. — a motivational rant.

I am really feeling the benefits of all of the retraining work I’ve been doing over the years… Specifically regarding limiting beliefs such as “I can’t make a living doing what I love” (saying that feels icky and gross now, whereas it used to be totally resonant). Beliefs around money, around receptivity, around love/commitment, and […]

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