Day 94 of 365: “i’m fine, thanks” and other lies.

I tend to put too much pressure on myself. As if this one post or this one speech or this one BJ or this one dinner is going to be the be-all-end-all for a person or, or life-changing for a group of people. I constantly pressure myself to perform. A lot of times, I hesitate […]

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Day 87 of 365: scared & brave

There is a time and place for positive affirmations. Pep talks are great to have from others and especially from ourselves, especially when from an authentic place. But a trap I have been caught in (and I think a lot of other people get here, too) went a little like this: -Jen feels terrified. -Jen […]

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Day 71 of 365: I am not broken – a poem

I am not broken. You try to “fix” me, To plug in different variables Attempting to solve the problem Of my discomfort. I pray your intentions are pure, That you want to help me. And yet… It seems you want me to “feel better” Because you are uncomfortable With my darkness and pain.   I […]

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Day 68 of 365: I am angry because…

Aaannndd the darkness continues. Which is fine. I decided to give myself the opportunity to release some of the anger I had maybe been carrying around with me. I opened a word document and wrote about 5,000 words nonstop. I didn’t know I had that much anger in me. I feel like I could write […]

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Day 65 of 365: off with her head!

I  woke up this morning after about 3 hours of sleep feeling a fire within me. It’s a fire I haven’t felt in a few weeks. (It’s a little spark more than a fire. I don’t want to breathe too hard and blow it out.) In the past, I’d say, “THE DEPRESSIVE EPISODE IS LEAVING! […]

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Day 64 of 365: insert title here

I am so far out of my comfort zone in so many aspects of my life that I am not even sure who I am anymore. And I think maybe that’s a good thing. I am redefining myself. The hardest thing about growth is the people who don’t understand it. Those who are close to […]

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Day 63 of 365: my newfound niche + letting go of the fight

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been allowing myself to be internal. I’ve been objectively viewing thoughts and feelings and patterned reactions, without fully engaging with them. Doing my best to not get hijacked by them. And, if hijack did happen (meaning if I found myself riding the neural pathways of an old patterned way […]

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Day 59 of 365: this human experience is…

I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I experience life much differently than most. I’ve always felt everything deeply (with the exception of my years of numbing via alcohol and drugs), and I’ve always dealt with random mini-films in my head of fucked up images. I see faces everywhere. In trees. In the […]

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Day 57 of 365: channeling my inner forrest gump

Okay. Two things. (Is it ever really two things, Jen?) No. But. It’s a diving off point, Parentheses. Give me a break. 1.) These last four days have been a shit-show of anger and meltdown and trigger-happy freak-outs and depression and the, like, third time I’ve cried in therapy. And stress-eating, which used to be […]

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