What I’m afraid to say is…

Sometimes I take things too literally. I’ll hear a statement like “your thoughts and words become your reality” and take it so seriously that I’ll become a hyper-vigilant micro-manager of my thoughts and words and actions. I’ll run everything through a filter. I’ll always be “on.” To an extent, this awareness can be helpful in […]

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Day 29 of 30: On wanting more.

She had always wanted more. More than she had. More than she thought possible. More than she thought she deserved. More than others said feasible. She wanted more. She spent each minute planning, analyzing, digging, and hoping to find what she was looking for. She was deeply dedicated and hardworking. She assumed this made her […]

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Day 22 of 30: On meeting people where they are

Hi there I’d like you to accept me no matter what mood I’m in, please, and then go ahead and always be in the mood *I* want you to be in. KTHX. It seems snooty when said aloud like that, but a lot of people unknowingly live this way. I did for a long time […]

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Day 17 of 30: On doing the scary thing

“Thunder thighs.” “Tree trunk legs.” “Why do you waddle like that?” “Your ass isn’t as nice as it looks.” “Your thighs are so big.” “You have such tiny knees for such big legs.” … I’d like to say that these were easy comments to forget… That the multitude of compliments I received outweighed these stinging […]

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DAY EIGHT: stop shoulding all over yourself

I’m a 32 year old woman, and thus society has taught me that I should:-Have a husband-Have children-Own a house-Have a high-paying full-time job-Dress “my age” And so on. Obviously these aren’t exacts, but it’s what I’ve interpreted through my journey. When I meet people, often their first question is “Do you have any kids?” To which […]

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DAY TWO (a few days late): May, Myself, & I ~ A Self-Love Experiment

May, Myself, & I: A Self-Love Experiment DAY TWO: 5/3/2019 I’ve completed a second full day of being mindful of the way I speak to and about myself, on top of taking care to treat myself with the same love and patience I offer others. I’m adding in a little romance, a lot of gentleness, […]

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Day 251 of 365: to feel different, I have to *be* different

Oh dear lord, the shit show I got myself into over the last week. So I was in Sedona, having an amazing vacation with my amazing cousin, and then I got triggered. Some ass hat tour guide was showing us vortexes and she thought she could hold space for emotional healing and: A. At no […]

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Day 249 of 365: cutting ties, and holding on for dear life

I hate that I struggle with suicidal shit sometimes. I really, really do. For a long time I didn’t. It was like an old friend to me. Now it’s more like a black hole… Or a magnet that attracts all my joy and flushes it. I haven’t wanted to write about it because I’m too […]

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Day 79 of 365: my boobs inspired me to write a book.

I had my breast implants removed a little over three months ago, and my life has freakin’ transformed. Prior to surgery, I was in constant pain, had the energy of a sloth, and dealt with a slew of other ailments. The implants had caused an autoimmune disorder (“Breast Implant Illness” or BII), and my health deteriorated […]

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Day 65 of 365: off with her head!

I  woke up this morning after about 3 hours of sleep feeling a fire within me. It’s a fire I haven’t felt in a few weeks. (It’s a little spark more than a fire. I don’t want to breathe too hard and blow it out.) In the past, I’d say, “THE DEPRESSIVE EPISODE IS LEAVING! […]

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