Day 28 of 30: Clarity comes when I stop trying to do its job.

I am learning that Clarity comes without trying. When not forced. It’s a lot like bubbles. If I chase the bubbles and grasp at them, they’ll pop and float away. This knowledge doesn’t stop the old pattern of me trying to figure everything out, to force Clarity. When I get foggy about something or there’s […]

Read More

Day 27 of 30: My happy looks different than your happy.

I am so freaking excited that I only have two days left of this month, and that the May, Myself, and I Self-Love Experiment will come to a close. I mean, I’m still gonna’ love myself and dig deep and do healing work because that’s who I am. But setting something as charged as “self-love” […]

Read More

Day 26 of 30: Remember that time you melted down in the Kroger self checkout lane and screamed profanity while punching the machine…?

…And your then-boyfriend had to tackle you to the ground and quietly convince you to leave? And you pushed the automatic doors off their hinges because they just weren’t opening fast enough JUST LIKE NOTHING EVER WORKED OUT FOR YOU ANYWAY? No? Oh. That’s right. That was me. See… After my spontaneous spiritual awakening… PAUSE BUTTON. […]

Read More

Day 25 of 30: on celebrating [even tiny] victories

Humans are adaptable creatures. We see our individual selves every day. We are constantly experiencing our inner world, witnessing our lives through our subjective viewpoint. Oftentimes, we are unable to recognize improvements or change. If we do something drastic – like chopping off hair or getting a new tattoo – we see it. And we […]

Read More

Day 24 of 30: strength through tenderness

I’ve always been drawn to the studded belt, all-black wardrobe, motorcycle-riding, bad-ass boss bitch character. The one who isn’t afraid to put people in their place, who speaks her mind, and who grabs life by the balls. When she wants something, she gets it. When she sets her mind to something, she attains it. She […]

Read More

Day 23 of 30: on being human

Step 8 of the 12-step program I’m in is to make a list of all people I’ve harmed and become willing to make amends to them all. My list was 200 items long, and I felt deeply ashamed to share it with another person. Alas, I did. One by one, I went through and explained […]

Read More

Day 22 of 30: On meeting people where they are

Hi there I’d like you to accept me no matter what mood I’m in, please, and then go ahead and always be in the mood *I* want you to be in. KTHX. It seems snooty when said aloud like that, but a lot of people unknowingly live this way. I did for a long time […]

Read More

Day 21 of 30: Fun is where the freedom is + the power of rejection

External validation has been a big drug for me. The responses of others could lift me up or crush me in an instant. What’s funny is that these comments from people are just in passing. It’s not important or life-changing for them. They probably never think about it again. Meanwhile, I’ve deleted social media before […]

Read More

Day 20 of 30: Wherever you go, there you are.

I remember the ride back from the airport. My parents picked me up after a three week trip to England. They funded the flight for me and hoped I’d find some relief there. I did, but not in the way they’d hoped. “I discovered something amazing,” I told them. “What’s that?” “I was still depressed […]

Read More

Day 19 of 30: leaning into discomfort vs. trusting your gut

I am a pretty literal person. I take things at face value when I can, and often without many hues of color. It’s why I love to write. I can control what I’m trying to convey when I have the ability to type it all out, see it in front of me, read and reread […]

Read More