April 5, 2014 was my last drink. It was a swig of Grey Goose right out of the bottle, at around 9AM. Since then, some of the most amazing and magical blessings have come into my life. I mean, it took a shit pile of work to take an honest look at myself, clear out […]
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When I get commissioned for a painting, I feel thrilled. Excited. Eager to start. I purchase the supplies necessary and may even watch a YouTube tutorial to make sure my skills are fine-tuned and ready to go. I think about the painting a lot before I do it. I feel giddy. And then I go […]
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Sometimes life feels boring and bland. I mean sure, I can sit here and tell you there’s always plenty to be grateful for and there are birds chirping and you should be feeling giddy at the fact that you’re conscious and alive and have opposable thumbs so you can open jars of delicious organic jelly. […]
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I adore getting triggered. Here’s what I mean about “getting triggered”: It’s when whatever is happening in the present moment somehow (in even the tiniest way) resembles a past pain or trauma, and my brain recognizes this and sounds the alarm system in a desperate attempt to protect me. Fight or flight or freeze activates, […]
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“If you don’t love yourself yet, you’re probably doing all that self-work wrong. Work harder.” <– That’s the message I kept receiving while on my journey. And, frankly, it’s bullshit.
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I can often paralyze myself with hyper-analysis around the right or wrong thing to do in any given situation. It’s draining and exhausting and annoying. My boyfriend made me this awesome cross stitch of Bob Ross. It sits on my altar space[1] next to a chipped mini statue of Buddha’s head and some stones and […]
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I once upon a time dated a quantum physicist who was also a computer programmer. The quantum physicist part isn’t at all relevant to this post. I just like saying “quantum” and “physics” together, because I feel smart. Onward! He talked about a trick some programmers use. They keep a rubber ducky on their desk. […]
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Earlier today, I was caught in a trance. Self-doubt, insecurity, fear, and an overall downward and inward spiral. I felt sad about my living situation, my job, the fact that the residual stuff from Breast Implant Illness impacts my mental clarity. I felt down about my overall life. I felt like a failure. Like a […]
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My hours got cut at work. And I am amped. I’ve bounced back and forth between I CLEARLY MUST HAVE A SUCCESSFUL FREELANCE CAREER DOING WHAT I LOVE. and Realistically, having the structure of a normal desk job is good for me. Maybe I should commit myself to a full-time schedule? Is that the responsible […]
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Sometimes I burn out. I’ll feel excited, find a strand of inspiration, and then hold on tight for dear life while getting flailed around in the wind. Like a kite. Or like a surfer on a wave. I’ll ride it until I crash. And then keep holding on. I’ve become aware of this tendency. I’ve […]
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