I released my emotional cheat codes into an eBook called Volume Control. If you struggle with suicidality or depression, read this.

Hello, fellow humanoid.

Take a peek at the intro from my new book below. If it tickles your fancy, the download link is at the bottom of this post.

(If you know someone who has the volume turned up on life who may benefit from reading this book, please share it with them. It’s truly helped me stay on earth for the last year and a half I’ve used it.)

“If you have the volume turned way up on life, you likely know it. Maybe you’re someone who hides, who cries a lot, who numbs, who cares too much, who gets debilitated by fear, or who swears they’re feeling someone else’s feelings. Maybe you hear voices or can sense animals or nature. Perhaps you have mind-blowing highs and debilitating lows or a slew of diagnoses. Maybe you feel crazy or must work extra hard to stay on earth each day because this just doesn’t feel like home.

Whatever it is: it’s okay. You’re okay.

I’m not a doctor and I don’t know your individual battle. While I have devoured books on psychology, neuroscience, energy medicine, spirituality, physics, and one book on why men have nipples, I don’t have a framed paper degree in any of the topics[1]. I have, however, been held captive by suicidality, addiction, codependency, disordered eating, and a general disdain for existence. I’ve numbed myself, tried to kill myself, failed, and ultimately realized, Well, shit… If I’m not escaping, I guess I ought to learn to live.

It seems like suicide is taboo or too heavy for people to discuss outside of the whispers of, “They seemed fine to me…” after a person has taken their own life. This is unacceptable. We are too fucking special to leave this earth without doing what we’re here to do. We must stop staying silent. We must stop suffering alone.

This isn’t to say that we should all spew self-pity at the world and expect others to fix our problems or walk on eggshells around our tender feelings. Rather, we must make the commitment to ourselves that we will do whatever it takes to heal, to grow, and to help others with what we’ve learned.

Years ago, that idea would have felt overwhelming to me. Even getting out of bed and flossing my teeth felt worthy of a standing ovation. If that’s where you are, it’s okay. You’re okay. Just know that the simple decision to commit to your highest good (whatever that may be) is enough to begin your healing journey.

It won’t be easy. Not at first. Then again, if you’re already on the struggle bus, why not ride it on a path toward understanding, befriending, and transcending your suffering? If you’re already in pain, why not make something beautiful with it?

I felt ashamed to deal with suicidality and to feel as deeply as I felt. I tried to fix it, to fix myself. I logically recognized the beauty of life but couldn’t feel it. That dissonance made me feel crazy, like I was floating outside my body all the time. I used to say I was a waste of working body parts.

Through that pain and darkness, I arrived on the other side. Wanting to die is what taught me how to live.

. . .

“I originally wrote this guidebook for myself because I need help settling back into reality and out of fear-based stories.

 This manual consists of the important lessons I’ve learned-and sometimes forget-in a way that’s easy for me to navigate when I’m in rough places, and important for me to reference when I’m teetering on feeling too good (more on that later).

These course corrections are akin to bumpers in bowling, helping me to move forward on my journey rather than getting caught in the gutter. I use it as a cheat sheet, really. When I feel lost or frazzled and need a reminder of how to best handle my current state, I reference this.

Perhaps this can inspire you to make your own cheat sheet, or maybe you’d like to use this one for yourself. As always, take what you like and leave the rest. This is in no way a design for living or meant to replace anything you’re doing that works for you.

May this book be a guide by your side to cheer you on during your individual warrior path. Go get ‘em, tiger.

Do you have the volume turned up on life, deal with depression, or suicidality? Check out my guidebook:

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Some days, I paint. Other days, I write. And rap. And tell stories. And do comedy. And doodle. And [attempt to] bake. And, one week out of every month, I merge with my sofa and sob about mortality and things like the existence of air and how we can't live without it and how utterly claustrophobic that is to consider. I'm relatively particular. And this is a place for me to share ALL the quirks.

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