In hindsight I should have made the word “DIARRHEA” in cursive.
Because. Y’know. It flows better.
I imagine that if you’re a human and you’ve read a book ever, you’ll have heard of “creative block” or “writer’s block.” People go on friggen’ RETREATS and pay DOLLARS to push through this stuff.
I used to deal with it, too. Mostly it was this concept of perfectionism which held me back.
Or, more truthfully, I held myself back.
There’s this immediate brain thought response to ideas. It looks a lot like this:
Jen: I think I’ll doodle a comic strip!
Perfectionism: You’re not as good as theoatmeal.com.
Laziness: It’ll take so much time and wouldn’t you rather watch baking shows and THINK about doodling?
Sulk: Your dreams are simply illusions of grandeur. You may as well give up and work a job you hate forever.
And it’s so easy and comfortable to listen to those losers. I think most people do.
But… With the work I’ve done to get closer to my true self and release old bullshit and blah blah, I have creativity on tap. And… My ideas don’t turn off. The yearning to create doesn’t stop. And so, while I can put off an idea for a day or a week or occasionally a year, eventually ALL THE CONSTIPATED IDEAS FIGHT ME AND DEMAND TO BE RELEASED.
And I actually make myself miserable by not creating.
And that’s where I’ve been.
I’ve had the yearning to make videos. To start a podcast. To create an online program to help people bypass perfectionism. To finish my second book. To sell prints of my paintings. To make a web comic.
And that may seem disjointed and all over the place.
BUT THE SAME THINGS KEEP COMING TO ME. The same ideas and approaches. I try to release them, but then they just get bored and horny and have idea-sex and make HYBRID BABY IDEAS at the rapidity of gerbils and then I just have to give in.
So. I made the switch with the site from www.aboutchance.com to www.relativelyparticular.com. Because it hasn’t left my brain/heart. I’m going to upload sound clips, raps, doodles, paintings, rants, and whatever else tickles my pickle on any given day.
I don’t know some big why behind doing these things. Y’know? I get hung up in that sometimes. “UH HEY, GOD + GOD’S PEEPS. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF ALL THIS? IT’S NOT VERY COHESIVE. WHAT IS THE END GAME HERE.”
And I think the purpose is just to have fun and be myself.
That’s what I’m gonna’ do.
And some followers will be like “DEAR GOOD SHE IS SO BIG/LOUD/MUCH I UNSUBSCRIBE.”
Which is awesome. Because it’ll just make room for people who enjoy the roller coaster ride that is Jen.
No idea where this is going… Or how I’m going to organize this site to hold all the things. But, I don’t have to know.
I took the right steps today. And now, I’m going to sleep.