My mind and emotions are so knotted right now that I don’t quite know how to word this post.
I’m writing it ahead of time. I’d normally write the day’s post in the afternoon or late night (or early AM the following day). This one, though, I’m doing the night before (or early morning of… Whatev.)
I’m paying it forward to tomorrow Jen.
There’s this pendulum swing of life, swaying from one extreme to the other. On one extreme, I’ll take excellent care of myself… To the point of obsession. 7.5 hours of sleep each night, 70% of all food consumed = organic vegetables (the rest = nuts, eggs, and raw cheese… AND DARK CHOCOLATE), foods are only within Blood Type B diet, daily meditation, daily yoga, daily walk, daily blog post, weekly therapy, monthly women’s meeting, regular saging + prayer + cord-cutting + self-healing. No caffeine, no sugar, no alcohol, no no no.
Never this. Always that.
And I’ll feel amazing… Until I don’t. I’ll hit a burnout point where I realize that my self-love to-do list has become a row full of bullies, yelling at me and giving me noogies if I don’t do what they say.
So I’ll let go a bit. I’ll allow myself some slack… Some room to be human.
I’ll stay up late or sleep in like a high schooler on summer vacation. I’ll eat a handful of potato chips or a loaded baked potato. I’ll take a few days off of exercise.
And it feels great. I’ll hit a nice balance point…
And then I’ll keep going.
Ultimately, the other end of the extreme is hit. The one where my sensitive mind and body begin to react poorly to the lack of structure… To the GF bagel with cream cheese in the morning… To the decrease in sleep.
And that’s where I am now.
I need to unplug, I think. Recharge. Reboot.
Reorient myself with this new influx of knowledge of my limits.
And try again.