Day 39 of 365: Releasing the victimhood of “can’t”

Writer’s block or any type of creative or emotional block is an illusion.

It’s easier for us to blame our stagnancy on some… thing. Some force, whether outside or inside of us.

Blaming someone or something else, whether it’s a needy partner or a busy schedule or a creative well run dry, is merely a form of victimization. A form of projection.

If we were to give this action words, they may be: Let me focus on that thing out there rather than on what’s going on inside of me.

This removes responsibility from us, no? Rather than take the scary steps forward, whether toward a career or away from a toxic relationship, we say, “I can’t, because of _______.”

I challenge you to remove the word “can’t” and replace it with “won’t.”

I can’t meditate..
I won’t meditate.

I can’t write anything.
I won’t write anything.

I can’t believe you did that.
I won’t believe you said that.

And so on.

The first option (can’t) is a closed door. The second option (won’t) cracks the door open a bit, showing us that it’s our choice whether or not we walk through.

This simple shift is uncomfortable at first. It’s a fun way to automatically call yourself on your shit throughout the day. Because, yea. You CAN do all of these things. You just won’t. (Or will you…?)

And, in time, you’ll realize that you’re accomplishing more. A lot more. There are less excuses. There’s more momentum. More growth. More smiles. More excitement. And so on.

A new favorite seems to be people blaming their ego. In communicating with people in recovery, a lot of people blame their “alcoholic mind”. This, again, is a form of separation.

It’s a way to detach from taking responsibility.

That’s not to say that we need to know the answers to everything, or even to anything. It’s okay to feel confused, or even to feel stuck. I’m simply saying that we always have the choice to take a step, even if it’s a shuffle, or a stumble.

So I challenge you to release the victimhood of “can’t”, to discontinue blame, and to take responsibility. Take ownership for what you will and will not do.

Oh, and give yourself some grace through the temper tantrums. If this concept is new to you, and you implement it, there may be a few.

Or, if you’re anything like me, a few hundred.

<3 Jen

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Some days, I paint. Other days, I write. And rap. And tell stories. And do comedy. And doodle. And [attempt to] bake. And, one week out of every month, I merge with my sofa and sob about mortality and things like the existence of air and how we can't live without it and how utterly claustrophobic that is to consider. I'm relatively particular. And this is a place for me to share ALL the quirks.

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