I’ve been in a cranky mood today. Rather than fight it or ignore it or do positive affirmations until it got scared and left, I’ve been feeling it. (Thankfully, I’ve gotten closer to the balance between the extremes of repression and dwelling.)
So… I feel stuff fully and, just as it comes, the feeling goes. Sometimes this takes a few minutes. Other times something lingers for a half-day or even a week. And that’s okay. Some of the emotional energies are denser than others, or more deep-rooted. And some days I have my heart fully open to process these energies more quickly, while other days it’s more of a struggle.
I am still actively divorcing this idea that I ought to be in a chipper bouncy mood every day, no matter what.
I’m realizing that my being cranky or sad doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful or not present; it means I’m a human being experiencing the ebb and flow of human emotion. Which is cool… Cuz’ that’s one of the main reasons we incarnated. Was to feel stuff.
Further, I’ve learned that, even if I’m in a shitty mood, I can still go do stuff I like. I still showered, worked on my business site, did some reading, went to a yoga class, went to an hour-long meditation, and watched some 30 Rock. And now I’m here writing.
Still cranky. Still uneasy. Still craving a mixing bowl full of Honey Nut Cheerios.
But I’ve learned to recognize this feeling as something positive. It’s the sensation of big shifts occurring. As if I’ve been flung out of a cannon and am in the air, unsure of where I’m going to land. There’s anxiety and uncertainty, and hella’ momentum.
There’s an analogy that helps me, so I decided to share it with you. Maybe it can ease your mind on a challenging day or week.
You know when you’re on a road-trip to something many hours away? There’s the initial excitement, the car games, the singing of the music, the snacks. These parts are fun and expansive and freeing! And then there are lulls, back pains, tiffs with other car-goers, and traffic jams. These parts are annoying and constricting and boring.
Even when these things happen, though, we’re still on the trip! We’re still heading in the right direction.
So this is something I’m being challenged to cultivate in my life now: a sense of excitement and gratitude for every moment, even the boring or annoying or downright frustrating ones, because they’re all experiences and scenery on this road-trip of life.
I’m trusting that these experiences somehow or another are leading me toward a lovely destination (or big dreams/intentions I have). And I also know that I won’t stay at that destination forever. It’ll be more of a checkpoint or a pit-stop… And then the next leg of the journey continues.
Every day is a winding road; we get a little bit closer. (THANKS, SHERYL CROW.)