Today, after a beautifully messy therapy session, I stopped by a metaphysical shop where I let my intuition pick out a stone from the giant wall of crystals/stones/fossils. I closed my eyes and walked in the direction that felt correct.
I walked to the left, squatted down, and picked up a fossil called Orthoceras. I’d never seen anything like it. The employees seemed equally clueless.
So I asked Mr. Google.
Jen: Sup, G.
Jen: WTF is this all about:
G: Welp. Orthoceras fossils are said to promote pride and success in business. They’re related to the root chakra and hold the energy of the Earth, reminding people that a light of day is waiting after darkness. They help balance emotions, increase confidence, stimulate the mind, and lead to openness and innovation. They help to overcome fear and infuse confidence in the wearer to assist in business success.
And I was all, But G… I just wrote a post about releasing pride and ego and now Ima’ get this stone that’s all about assisting confidence and pride and success?
G: I’m a search engine, not a therapist.
I went ahead and trusted my instinct, which never steers me wrong and is nearly always weird, and I bought two. On the way home, a friend of mine shared some Libra horoscope stuff:
I proceeded to have a minor tantrum of demanding to know specifics and answers, because that’s where my algebraic brain is comfortable. What are the answers? Give me the answers and I will incorporate them immediately. And I will receive gold stars and all A’s.
And she was all… “This is about living in the question.”
And I was all… “DAMN YOU FOR CHALLENGING AND SUPPORTING ME; I LOVE YOU.” Or something similar.
And then another kindred spirit sent me a link to a webinar by a fun gentleman with nice hair named Jeff Goins. The title of the webinar? Well, I don’t specifically remember. But. SOMETHING ABOUT making a living through blogging, and how to be a financially successful writer.
Y’know. The business dream I’ve had since I was about 8.
With the exception of a brief hiatus where I wanted to be an Olympic horseback rider, and another bout of considering neuroscience as a career path. And an actress. And a vet. And a mortician.
Today is my “ME” day, as every Monday is. It’s a day of therapy, meditation, devouring whichever book I’m reading, and moving forward on writing/doodling/painting projects. I had no excuse not to attend this webinar.
PLUS. THIS WAS THE THIRD THING ABOUT BUSINESS AND STUFF WITHIN A FEW HOURS. SO. OKAY FINE IMA LISTEN EVEN THOUGH I’D RATHER WATCH 30 ROCK AND PONDER ON WHY I’M NOT YET AS SUCCESSFUL AS I DESIRE TO BE.
I wonder what would happen if we put half as much energy into faithful action as we do into helpless thought?
Probably world peace.
Or utter chaos.
I learned a lot in this webinar. One of the most important things I learned was that I’M NOT A CRAZY PERSON FOR THE DREAMS I HAVE. I know in yesterday’s post I was talking about relinquishing ego-driven goals, and I’m still in that boat.
I don’t want to wake up every day with “I WANT TO WIN AWARDS” and then maybe help some people along the way; I want to wake up every day with “I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE” and then maybe win some awards along the way.
That gave me tinglies to type.
Jeff’s concept is a balanced one… One where YEA the focus is to make a living as a writer and get more followers and whatnot, yet it’s to do it from a focused mindset of how I can efficiently reach and help the most people.
“Amateurs write for themselves. Professionals serve their tribe.” – Jeff Goins
Now… My north node is in Aries (#astrologyisfascinating), which is all about focusing on what I want and how to fulfill my own needs, after many past lives of doing just the opposite.
I am realizing now, though, that this doesn’t mean “BE SELFISH, JEN. EFF EVERYONE ELSE.” Instead-in my opinion-it’s about holding both intentions in my heart, and taking faithful action forward with a trust that somehow the balance will be made clear to me.
Y’know. Living in the question and all.
Jeff asked some challenging and direct questions, a few of which will be revisited during my next journaling sesh. (I literally have never said the word “sesh” before that. I think part of me hoped he’d read this and think I was cool for using that word.) (…)
Mainly, the focus was about, well, FOCUS. Discovering my expertise, my worldview, and going from there.
An expertise I have is the same thing I saw as my life mission when I visited the Akashic Records: bridging the communication gap.
To which I responded, “HOW? AND WHICH GAP?” a billion times.
I realized today, I already do that. I take complex situations, whether emotional or relational or spiritual or mental or even once explaining “crop dusting” to my mom, and I break them down into nommy bite-sized pieces. This is often through analogies.
I help to bridge communication gaps in other ways, too. Through intuitive communication with animals and nature, through channeling spirit guides or doing soul paintings, and through adorable doodles where I bring my analogies to life.
This was a fun AHA moment for me. “Oh shit. I’ve been SEEKING this whole time, focusing on OUTSIDE of my now. And meanwhile I’ve been standing in the very thing I’ve been looking for.”
I took action, and I updated my personal website.
^^^ Prior to that, it was a confusing cluster F word with zero cohesion.
I updated my painting gallery, because soul paintings have proven to be resonant and healing for people.
And I put links to my published work.
There’s still more to do, which is fine. And there are still many unanswered questions, which is also fine.
Bottom line is that I made forward progression, more synthesis took place, and I now have to-do list items to move forward on this exciting path into the unknown… With a twinge of clarity.
I feel like I’ve been given a flashlight. 🙂
Cheers to clarity!