Okay, Universe. Now you’re just showing off.
I was reminded this evening of the last time I did a focused period of writing, which was when I did “30 days of seeking God” and wrote about my journey each day. During that time, some powerful shit happened. Stuff I couldn’t have foreseen or imagined, even though I’m a creative writer and imagining things is sort of what I do for a living.
Like, I have conversations with my shoes and with stuffed animals… And I create vivid worlds in my head where everyone looks like Mario. I’m plenty creative.
But the magic that has happened to propel me forward in an aligned way has been out of my realm of creative juice. If my juice is orange juice, the Universe’s juice is organic orange juice fresh-squeezed by fairies.
The Universe (or Spirit or Santa or Higher Self or the Non-Local Intelligence that resides within me and/or ALL OF THE ABOVE) brings forth stuff that’s so much yummier than I could have conjured up.
Essentially, the Universe is a better writer than I am.
I’m in the period of this 365-day journey where I’m amped and want to write ALL the things and every rock, animal, and mullet spark something I could possibly write and share about. All day long today, I was sparked in about 27 ways of what I could write about tonight.
But. This isn’t a planned thing. WHICH IS HARD FOR ME BECAUSE I HAD SOME DAMN GOOD IDEAS TODAY, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF. However, I didn’t sit down at my computer until the very last minute, which is frankly good because it rips me from my rational mind and settles me into the flow of expression. Without time to over-analyze, I LET STUFF HAPPEN.
(I am now going to use that as an excuse for my perpetual tardiness. No, it is not my disrespect for other people’s time, thank-you-very-much; it’s my way of connecting with my true, flowy self.)
Last night, while journaling, I did this fun trick where I thanked the Universe for a sign that I’m on the right path.
And then today began.
And I felt like a bag of asses.
I wanted to sleep and avoid life all day long, forever and ever amen.
At one point I was even lying on the floor in the hallway, feeling emotionally paralyzed.
(And Floyd was above me, also lying on the floor, and his front feet were touching my head. And all I could think was, How much cooler would this look if we were STANDING UP and maintaining this position?)
If a bug looked down from the ceiling, they’d have been like “Damn, that dog has amazing balance.”
Cirque du Soleil shit.
(I called it “Circus De Olay” until I was about 22. For the record.)
FINALLY I convinced myself to go outside. And I was all, EW IT’S HOT AND I’M SWEATING. And the sun was like:
Which was valid.
Then I saw a HAPPY BLUEBIRD (#kpax #greatmovieifyou’veneverseenit #howdohashtagswork #amidoingitright), which is important to me specifically due to a story that happened right after my spontaneous awakening.
And I thought, Maybe this is my sign.
And then the bird flew off, and rational mind said, “No. If it was a sign, it would’ve stayed here longer.”
And then the damn bird FLEW BACK. As if to say, “DO YOU GET THE HINT, LADY?!”
THEN, while driving to a New Moon circle, I had something bizarre happen with my music.
Normally when I plug in my phone, the Jackson 5’s “ABC” starts playing, because it’s the first on my list of music, alphabetically. I’ve heard the start to that song about a thousand times now.
INSTEAD, THOUGH, I randomly had a song called “Real Life” by Minus Driver, which has lyrics about thinking someone’s in control when they’re not. (AHEM, JEN. AHEM.)
Next, Nine Inch Nail’s “The Way Out is Through” came on.
Lyrics:
all I’ve undergone
I will keep on
underneath it all
we feel so small
the heavens fall
but still we crawl
all I’ve undergone
I will keep on
AND I SAID, NOW YOU SHOWIN’ OFF, UNIVERSE. Because A. I didn’t know I had that song and B. fuck yes I’ve been through a lot and am gonna’ keep going.
But THEN the next song was N Sync’s “It’s Gonna Be Me,” and, similarly to how I reacted when the blue bird flew away, my thoughts said “OH. GUESS IT WASN’T A SIGN THEN.”
And then my iPhone LOCKED UP, THE SCREEN WENT BLACK, and the music started back up with “You Make My Dreams Come True” by Hall & Oates.
OKAY, I GET THE HINT. THANK YOU.
And THEN I went to circle and the circle leader gave me a care package, because I had an intense surgery a few weeks ago.
Here’s what’s in it:
This was incredibly thoughtful and unexpected and meant SO much to me. Each item was synchronistic in its own way…
And the mantra bracelet is when the fairies said “JEN WOULD YOU LIKE SOME CALORIE FREE CAKE WITH YOUR FRESH SQUEEZED OJ?”
It says “BELIEVE” and the packaging says:
Every journey starts with believing,
and belief will keep you going.
Believe in yourself,
believe in your dreams,
believe you can.
~~~~
If I wasn’t in a period of subconscious emotional repression, I’d have cried at that moment. Because that’s what this 365-day journey is all about. It’s about believing in chance, in happenstance, and in something greater than me. It’s about letting go of control and trusting that my dreams are coming true.
So. THANKS, UNIVERSE, FOR A SIGN THAT I’M ON THE RIGHT PATH.
I.
believe.
in.
you.